….

“I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.”

I sit here just thinking and thinking and I can’t keep doing this to myself.  I feel out of place, I am not at home, because home is with you and Stitch.  The only problem is that if I went back, there would still only be me and Stitch and some Brian that I don’t know.  

When i texted you this morning I wanted you so bad, I wanted to be with you, and Just see you and hold you.  Is it worth it? because I started thinking and you are not who you pretended to be.  I texted you to ask if you would talk to me, and your answer was you didn’t know if it would do me or you any good.  That makes me think that you care, that you want to talk to me, so if you care why do this to me?

Why do you want to sleep with a random person at night? Why do you want to be dirty with Brad? Why do you have to go to the gym and want to go into the steam room? you told me you had never been in that steam room.  You have been in there, trust me, I know!  I just hope that Brad shows you his new underwear! I hope this all makes you happy and I hope it was worth destroying 6 year of our life.  We could have had it all eventually, far away in DC were you and I wanted to be.  I was so happy with you, you made me happy, and I know we had issues but I think they were fixable.

I still love you, that is why it hurts.  I hope you don’t realize one day that being alone is not worth it.

I love you but I wish i didn’t. I want to erase you out of my mind as fast as you have done with me.