You did it again, but I can’t do it again….
You have shown me that I am worth that much. I can sit here and be so angry with you, but I am just angry at myself for doing this to me one more time. Is time to let you go.
I hope he makes you happy because I am so sure you aren’t just friends with him.
After all I do love you, but that love will fade away and I will forget. I need to forget.
I am starting to believe you. I am starting to consider letting you go. I love you so much, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this….
God I miss you, but I know I am not first anymore. This is just hurting me more….
I love you
This new thing I’m doing is scary. I can’t sit here and say that is just for you. It is also for me, because I know we both need this. This is also gonna figure out me. The problem about it is that I am so scared. I know deep inside that sex with someone else is not gonna satisfy me. Is not gonna make me happy. I hope it doesn’t get worse. I will only be able to take so much of this. I know it already… But I wan to give it a chance. If you don’t really love me like your partner I will end things and just move on….
I still miss u. I still smell u on me.
No other guy can give me that feeling. I’m not scared of my feelings at all. I am just scared to lose you and lose all of this wonderful love I have for you. I am doing this for us, but because I love you.
I do hope u come Friday with me. I can’t push u, but it would mean a lot to me.
I wish last Thursday came back around….
about everything that has happened is that it is all your fault, and I am the one begging to get back with you. Whatever happens tomorrow I promise myself I will not beg for your love again. Go have fun in Chicago, but when you come back, my arms won’t be opened up for you any longer.
I am trying to get some motivation, but the only thing I want to be doing is laying right next to you. There is nothing else I want to do, not a thing…. I want to be in our home, cleaning at least. I want to know that you are coming home to see me.
Yesterday hurt a lot….
While I sit here you are doing what you want, what makes you happy…
I think it is my fault that I feel this way… Maybe I do need to get out, but I just don’t want to. I just don’t feel like I can….
Last night I went to dinner with my sisters ex-boyfriend… He invited me to dinner with some friends, and he has a partner, and his friends are a couple. The whole time, the only thing I could thing was you. I kept wanting to say US, I kept wanted to say WE…. I felt so humiliated, so low, so distant from you. Their entire conversation was about couples, and I wish we could have gone together. We always talked about going to have dinner with another couple… and this was our chance. I don’t understand how you can have fun with someone like Justin! His stupid conversations, and Brad and Daniel. Are you at that level??? You rather spend time with 12 year olds??
I want to go have dinner with you, go interact with more grown up people! The whole club scene thing is not fun, specially if not with you! The club gets me nothing, the young friends get me nothing as well. The only thing that gets me happiness is YOU. That feeling I had yesterday kept me going back to you, because I wished you could had been there. They kept talking about cooking, and I don’t cook, but you do! I wanted to say, well Brian this… Brian makes the best…. But I couldn’t. I am back at lost.
You couldn’t cancel real housewives with justin to spend a bit of time with me? Than you hang up on me. What is the point of going to counseling…. B/C if things don’t work I will not be your friend! I will not want to see you, and I will try to hate you.
I am sorry, but that is the truth. You are choosing stupid people with nothing! They offer you nothing! They USE YOU! YOU ARE TRADING WHORES FOR ME!
U know this.
I am scared shitless right now. I know having sex will not make things better, and I hope things just go great from here on. I don’t want to fuck things up, whatever I hear or see… I am just gonna have to let you figure yourself out. I am going to try to give you space, and I hope that is a good thing. I just hope that when Wed. comes you can actually go to counseling with me.
I love you.
When you said you were so stressed out and were going to the gym, and that you would call me later… that hurt. You go to they gym to workout/look at guys/ and go to the steam room. Wow…. why am i so stupid?
What am i gonna tell you? What do I have to tell you?
Everything i want to say to you would only hurt you so you would probably hang up. Everything I wanna ask you, you won’t answer, so what is the point?
I want to tell you to give us a chance, and you will probably say it’s over. That you do not know! So I will probably end up getting hurt. Why? Why do I have to be in love with you?
Why is this the end? Where did we go wrong?
Every time you asked me to make a wish, I would always wish for us to stay together forever…
“The funny thing about forever Is it comes with a side of never never” - Kelly Clarkson - Let me Down
“I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.”
I sit here just thinking and thinking and I can’t keep doing this to myself. I feel out of place, I am not at home, because home is with you and Stitch. The only problem is that if I went back, there would still only be me and Stitch and some Brian that I don’t know.
When i texted you this morning I wanted you so bad, I wanted to be with you, and Just see you and hold you. Is it worth it? because I started thinking and you are not who you pretended to be. I texted you to ask if you would talk to me, and your answer was you didn’t know if it would do me or you any good. That makes me think that you care, that you want to talk to me, so if you care why do this to me?
Why do you want to sleep with a random person at night? Why do you want to be dirty with Brad? Why do you have to go to the gym and want to go into the steam room? you told me you had never been in that steam room. You have been in there, trust me, I know! I just hope that Brad shows you his new underwear! I hope this all makes you happy and I hope it was worth destroying 6 year of our life. We could have had it all eventually, far away in DC were you and I wanted to be. I was so happy with you, you made me happy, and I know we had issues but I think they were fixable.
I still love you, that is why it hurts. I hope you don’t realize one day that being alone is not worth it.
I love you but I wish i didn’t. I want to erase you out of my mind as fast as you have done with me.
